D3 body, D1 cock
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
