if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
