At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
