I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
