i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
