I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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