It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
