where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mouth tastes like poor choices
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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