drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
