tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
where am i from again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
