i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
