I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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