She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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