the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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