So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do herpes really smell.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
