In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
