So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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