i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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