There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
