just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
