Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
