Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
