I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
