I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
