my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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