The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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