Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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