I want to have your abortion
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
