Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
