I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want nice things and good sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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