how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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