I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
