he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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