Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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