I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He? As in you personified your dick?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
