You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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