What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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