Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
