adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
