is your mom at the bar?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
