i jhust puked up my retainher.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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