I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
