If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
