thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
