if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
