someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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