I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
