Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
