No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
