We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
God, I missed his penis.
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