I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
