so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
