Jerry, you need to find god
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
