Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
