I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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