She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
