Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
