i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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