I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
