so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
