That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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