I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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