My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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