I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
